so this has been my life

since september.

I got down here, was crazy stressed about everything, was loving all the attention I got for losing weight, dropped down to somewhere between 100 and 105 realllll quick.

That was awesome.

Then I became way less stressed and way more bored, started smoking too much, and eating pizza drunk every weekend.

I stopped weighing myself, stopped counting calories, almost stopped caring.

I still go to the gym, not as much as I should though. And I’ve been eating like it’s my job. I feel so disgusting.

I know I’ve gained weight, but I have no idea how much. I bought the cheapest scale at Walmart and I swear to god it’s the devil. Like it usually says I’m around 110. Today it said 115. I feel like I must be 120, but I don’t know. 

I got a pair of size 0 jeans for my birthday. They’re a little tight on my hips but otherwise they fit perfectly. I feel like I look huge though. And most of the weight is going straight to my stomach.

I’m still hooking up with that same guy. It’s weird, we act like we’re dating and people think we’re dating, but we haven’t really talked about our feelings for each other at all. I’m terrified that he can tell I’m gaining weight.

So basically I need to get back on track. Like for real.